Sunday, May 27, 2007

HOLES : the advanced technology behind

. tylenol fast relief
. breathable textiles
. nails
. power outlets
. coffee filters
. the o-zone
. buttons
. shoe/shoelace relationships
. faucets
. shower heads
. speakers
. sleeves
. windows
. spaghetti strainers
. spaghetti makers
. ears
. bellybuttons
. whales
. american apparel mesh panties
. crocs (the shoes)
. episodes of lassie


also, a side-note to south korea:

dear south korea;
...are we compensating for something?
sincerely, myself

Saturday, May 26, 2007

that arcade fire has gone out.

me: "he thinks my music is pretentious and obscure."
rhianna: "please. could you be more pretentious than saying you like the arcade fire?"

it's true. "i like the arcade fire" has become the trigger that lets us know whoever we're talking to knows next to nothing about music and shouldn't really be pursued beyond light-topic conversation.

"oh, the arcade fire, huh... nice weather we're having. lots of cloud coverage. yeah. "

they have one or two decent songs under their belts. otherwise, they are shoddy sails full of their own wind. boats afloat on the current created by people who listen to disinteresting music and think a band with 7+ members and a sack-load of gimmicks are "immense". like there aren't those by the dozen. seriously. only pitchforkmedia blowholes still want to get down on their knees before the band and give them a good 'job.

they're just not that good. why are they so gigantic? because arcade fire is pretension. pretension with instruments. 200yr old organs, seriously? it's like that "to kill a mockingbird" book. it's an obligation to keep them up on the list.

there are more interesting bands. more interesting songs. better bands. better songs. better performers. if you are one of those people who thinks the arcade fire is the best thing out there: dear, sweet lord... get off your ass and listen to better music.

it's possibly the most pretentious band out there. even broken social scene isn't that bad. their performances certainly aren't that pretentious... despite the "read this and this" lecture beforehand, they're very generous and i only really enjoy BSS in concert. in-doors, otherwise you lose the reverb... i digress.
and don't take my word for it.

in response to a SNL performance (less well-received than expected by performers..):

"perhaps the audience's response was the way it was because they were expecting a good band and what they got was a pretentious, self-important indie rock fusion of U2 and Big Country, with little or no hooks. I don't get what you people like about this stuff. It's dull, uninteresting and....did I say dull?

Trust me when I say that in five years Arcade Fire will be what The Gin Blossoms are to this generation. One hit wonders relegated to the $1 bin.

Argue all you want. I'm right."

"what is up with win smashing his guitar. it looks so forced and stupid. he did it when I saw them in central park summerstage a few years back. LAME"

"they're dull. and what's with the amish look? this band is overrated to say the least. there's so many better bands out there and everyone's raving about some pretentious indie band smashing acoustic guitars."

"The band got the response they deserved, they're a boring overrated band with a singer who can't sing. I know it's really cool to pretend that all the indie kids are so much smarter and know what bands are really cool and ahead of their time, and you're a dumbass if you don't "get it" like they do...but sometimes they make mistakes. Latching on to Arcade Fire as the second coming is one of them. TV on the Radio is another. Do I need to keep going?"

"I liked the Arcade Fire on SNL performance-wise, but their songwriting is a somwehat lacking this time around(am I crazy or does some of it have a heavy Springsteen vibe?) That's why they need a bunch of superfluous instrumentation - to hide average songs played by a rock band lacking in instrumental style."

Friday, May 25, 2007

what i didn't miss at acad. (real footage, folks)

yeah... did i call that or what?

even though i screwed up my back, i think yoga, a compulsively bought basketball, coffee, a chat with weird ad guy, and a nice two hour walk home through the wealthy culdesacs of the SW were more than an okay way to spend my grad day. rather than in polyester, watching some dragon vomit lettuce on me...

also, i wasn't hungover the next day. but i did get muscle relaxers.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

weirdest song title encountered in ....well, awhile.

so a post-dinner coffee craving left me bright-eyed and fidgety around the wee-er hours of the morning. "i have that huge toolbar of links for something", i reminded myself, and bummed around on the music blogs i frequent all too infrequently these days. somewhere in all this mess, i ran across an album which harbors the oddest song title i can remember reading in... well, it's been awhile. maybe since the Aquabats days.

album: Weird Nightmares - Meditations on Mingus

background: On this installment of Hal Willner's series of tribute albums, Willner assembled a house band for his guests (including Keith Richards, Chuck D, Elvis Costello, Bill Frisell, Vernon Reid, Charlie Watts, Gary Lucas, Leonard Cohen, and Henry Rollins) to sit in with. Weird Nightmares - Meditations on Mingus is predictably uneven and wildly entertaining; it is a fitting tribute to the genius of Charles Mingus.

track 15: "The Shoes of the Fisherman's Wife Are Some Jive Ass Slippers"

beat that.

Monday, May 21, 2007

things in our apartment that we say with scare quotes.

. "fireplace"
. "landlord"
. "washing" machine
. "drier"
. window "screens"
. fire "escape"
. "closets"

Sunday, May 20, 2007

what it takes to be the least enthused person in your graduating class

1. submit nothing to grad show
2. submit nothing to your graduating major's portfolio cd
3. don't show up to grad show
4. only briefly dash back into school for a book you left on your desk ad required papers for work permit (also chat with computer tech/cat-guy about how gay your school is)
5. don't show up to convocation
6. don't show up to post-convocation parties
7. don't have pictures of anyone graduating
8. have seriously lazy second-thoughts about calling the school and telling them your new address, so they can actually mail you your certificate of graduation
9. have no family, friends, or loved ones send you crap*

* regretting that one. i could damn sure use a blender...

Sunday, May 13, 2007

points made in sharkwater

1. cuddling sharks while only wearing sea-panties and flippers is cool and totally feasible.
2. sharks are important for the ecosystem.
3. people don't like sharks and that's sad.
4. asian people are savages
5. sharks are important for the ecosystem.
6. environmentalists are quitters. (the shark poachers wouldn't come with us to land so we tried stalling their engines with hoses. failing that, we fled to shore. on shore the authorities took us to court for murder. so we ran to the galapagos. where long-line fishing was legalized. so we went home. but when we got back costa rica was upset about finning industries so we felt good about ourselves again.)
7. sharks are important for the ecosystem.
8. sharks are important for the ecosystem.
9. don't have sharkfin soup at your wedding.
10. sharks don't have whiskers and that's sad.
11. sharks are important for the ecosystem.
12. even if you wind up keeping your leg, you can still say things like, "little did i know i'd lose a leg."
13. sharks really are important to the ecosystem.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

things i have learned from this moving experience

every time i move, there's a ridiculous spectrum of lessons. easy lessons, and very pricey lessons. this move was mostly just the latter.

pricey lessons:
. paint colour lesson:"fawn taupe" = "moldy pink" (price of about $60 to re-paint + exhaustion on top of it)

. sanitary lesson: single men do not scrub tiles (price of an upper arm muscle and two knuckles)

. pilates balls take actual air pumps to inflate (price of sore cheeks and some mild dizziness)

inexpensive lessons:
. squirrels love eating window screens (price of a couple hours of sleep this morning and a squirt or three of vinegar)

. squirrels hate being squirted with vinegar (received intense gratification and some angry chittering)