Tuesday, April 24, 2007

the gayest thing i've ever read (even in a myspace bulletin)

+ appropriate commentary

Every girl dreams that one day she will find a guy that does these things for her. even the smallest action can have the BIGGEST impact in someones life.

• give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in. (germs)
• leave her cute text notes. (i would never date a guy who text messages)
• kiss her in front of your friends. (what kind of exhibitionist jerk are you? friends don't want to see that.)
• tell her she looks beautiful. (and make that sound less fake)
• look into her eyes when you talk to her. (but blink. that's how we know you're human.)
• let her mess with your hair. (i don't like touching people's hair.)
• touch her hair. (i like other people touching my hair even less.)
• just walk around with her. (maybe the only thing on this list i like.)
• FORGIVE her for her MISTAKES. (i don't make mistakes in caps.)
• look at her like she's the only girl you see. (oh, why bother. we all know there are other pretty ladies out there.)
• tickle her even when she says stop. (but settle on a 'safety word'.)
• hold her hand when you're around your friends. (jerks. plus, hand-holding is muggy.)
• when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. (way to ensure you get yelled at twice as much)
• let her fall asleep in your arms. (too muggy. i like to explore a variety of sleep position options before picking one. being held doesn't really allow for that.)
• get her mad, then kiss her. (repeat other cliche scenes)
• stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. (oh the romantic hiss of empty space... gay)
• tease her and let her tease you back. (why am i imagining two obnoxious people sitting together on the sofa with peacock feathers...)
• stay up all night with her when she's sick. (so then we can both be sick. oh, hooray.)
• watch her favorite movie with her. (okay. yeah, i'll make you do that. but it's Muppet Treasure Island.)
• kiss her forehead. (i guess.)
• give her the world. (too heavy)
• let her wear your clothes. (too big and unflattering)
• when she's sad, hang out with her.
• let her know she's important. (name on a plaque every month)
• kiss her in the pouring rain. (too slippery.)
• when you fall in love with her, tell her. (unless it's late at night. that stuff can wait.)
• and when you tell her, love her like you've never loved someone before. (amnesia tests to be performed immediately.)

guys repost as : i'd do this for my girl.
girls repost as : a perfect boyfriend
if you don`t repost this in four minutes you will lose the one you love.

if you do repost this in four minutes the one you love will :
call you
kiss you
love you


Saturday, April 21, 2007

best of show & sale spring 2007

if you thought the winter show & sale was great, just wait until you see the harvest reaped this spring. all the artists have had another term to grow brave and pursue other lame, untalented interests. you'll see glitter, you'll see hats, you'll see things only art students see in their souls (after copious amounts of mushrooms). enjoy the highlights (though i ran out of room on my camera for cheetahs wearing red parade hats). "poodles with hats" is mine. do let me know yours.

ants on colourful background

ugly uterus-monster in clouds

some sculpture titled "fish?"

ethnic people!

ugly tulips

wolf and fence

some cop and illegal immigrant climbing a fence

flying frog

someone used glitter. hooray!

poodles with hats- are they magicians? or are they going to a birthday party? you decide.


skeleton rock stars

who knows. he doesn't look well, though.

splotchy art

don't worry if these get snatched up–there's a whole pile of them.

and then there are the pieces that make the splotchy ones look like they were efforts

and someone who laminated a page from their sketch book

and here's some glimpses at the stairs of hideous

Friday, April 13, 2007

boys with dogs

so our computer tech had an odd amount of print-outs on his desk of cats. i usually go in there and chat with him when i'm bored, so amidst our usual light conversation i inquired about the kitty prints. yeah, he's a cat man. i find this reassuring in a guy. sandra disagrees, and so does some woman on some blog so bad i forgot about it...

myth: find a man with a dog–he knows how to treat a woman!

possibly the worst advice ever. let's break it down... there's a scale at work here. there are the guys who have dogs in place of women, or have dogs that reflect the sort of women they like. there are guys who have dogs in place of their own manhood. there are guys who really need a hobby to make themselves more interesting, well-rounded, and fill up their time, but instead they get a dog.

first type: guys who have dogs in place of ladies. most usually, they have blandest dogs on the breed spectrum (labradors and the stupid blondes that are golden retrievers). they give them names like "lady", "terry", and "tara". beware this man. harmless for the most part, but he's locked into some weird loyalty issues, and probably likes running around with frisbees way more than you want.

second type: guys who have dogs in place of their manhood. this is either a scary, or sad type of guy. there's nothing really to say about it other than they usually adopt from pounds, have mutts or more meaty breeds like rotweilers. it begins on pleasant intentions. they probably grew up with a palsy relationship with dogs. dogs named 'buddy' and etc. these guys will never think you are as fun as their dogs, and they will either not understand you do not like their dog as much as they do, or they will just assume you do and i'm not sure which is worse...

third type: guys who have been single longer than they want to admit, and their internal daddy clock starts ticking. they get a dog, almost impersonating the childhood boy and dog friendship, but with the alterior motive of using the dog to get out more. to have something interesting to talk about, or relate to people... this can lead to scary levels of man & dog photos in his wallet. it will never make a man as interesting as a good library of books will. oh, but before i forget? if it's a doberman, don't be confused, he's actually a rare breed who has become bored with his elite hobbies and moved on to animal training. it was a toss up between hawks and dobermans. those guys are kinda hot but probably too anal retentive. if there's such a thing.

no, a cat guy is a nice balance because cats don't require the same taking care of as dogs. there's no daddy complex at work, no girlfriend complex... cat's kind of just hang out. there's no getting around it: if you like a cat, it has to be for its personality. but maybe printing out pictures of them is pushing it...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

i heart acad

works of former acad graduate, albert slark:

and if that's not enough to make you fall in love with acad: apparently graduates and convocation attendees will be delighted by exotic dragon dancers--and graduates will have to follow this chinese dragon out of the auditorium.

am i going? heck no. i'm not followin' no dragon. i'm not even asian. anyone up for getting sloshed afternoon of may 15th?

Monday, April 09, 2007

vegans, step off our solstice.

yesterday some brave neighbour of ours was out on the balcony, making premature use of his grill. grilling with his mittens on. all i could think was, "god bless you, omnivore-man". yes, god bless you and your meat-cravings. jesus put animals on this earth for one reason, and one reason only–to fill our bellies with bloody, delicious food.

vegans? hold up that drumming circle. spring is not about the moon or flowers or uteruses. it's about finding that big bull named Zeus and turning him into steak. we made it through another winter of drinking melted snow and stabbing fish out of the ice. time to sit in trees with arrows and knives big as the elephant we're about to take down. just ask the gods! that's what they want. why would jesus make so many different BBQ sauces, if he didn't want you to apply it to his creatures?

you have no business celebrating the solstice if you don't like grilling slabs of animal-flesh and covering them in ketchup before engaging in a devouring fest so sloppy you need bibs down to your ankles. meat's the reason for the season, dudes.

i think it's time for a dose of honesty. vegans, we only tolerate you people because you're thin. no one wants to be reminded at every single meal that someone has "food morals". food morals are gay as sin. it's like bragging that you are so pampered by modern conditions, you can live off of that space-age material we call "tofu" and "vitamins". well, just remember who got you here. the meat-eaters. the big, muscley elephant-hunters. you should bow down in our presence and take a bite of veal. you'll like it, trust me.

so, all you people on the right track, i salute you for firing up your grills and not meditating in pink hammocks like this guy.

okay, so actually he's kind of beautiful and clever... we're just hoping he likes beef.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

2 things we need for our apartment

Sunday, April 01, 2007

pop quiz

is she:
a) uncomfortable princess
b) bride with severe allergies
c) getting married in a hamster exercise ball for people
d) exactly what kathleen should be doing for her wedding. (seriously, we could have white horses pull the ball/carriage up the aisle, and for a grand exit, silver dolphins could tug kathleen & peter across the ocean)