What's Up, Pitches?

i had too much coffee.

do you know what that means?

i do.

it means: instead of accomplishing fuck-all of significance, i have instead written a rap song ("Put Your Butt On My Butt") and drawn up a few pitches for tv shows of varying seriousness and quality. not that i have ever before shown any interest, to any degree, in screen-writing.




pitch, the first:
"On The Straight & Narrow"or "Narrow Paths"
(a Logo network roommate-slash-dramedy.)


Roommates and ultra-competitive queens at a growing drag venue in Montreal, Tony (from Italy) and Santiago (from Chile), are both red-blooded nationalists with fiery (MUY CALIENTE!/MOLTO CALDO!) personalities that often conflict. But at the end of the day... their countries are both SUPER NARROW and it brings them together.

...and during the day they work in a hospital.

(it may not bring home the awards, but, my god the people will watch.)




pitch, the second:
"Art & Copy" or "Ad Nauseum"

Arthur (Art) is a young copywriting intern at a major advertising agency, in this NBC comedy that is, to put it simply, a Scrubs version of Mad Men.




pitch, the third:
(untitled) -- potentially "This One Time, At Bandcamp.com" or "Hype Machine"

Roommates Phil and Alexander decide to impress girls they meet at a concert by pretending to run an indie record label. Snowballing, as these comedic situations are wont to do, Phil and Alex must sustain this lie by not only juggling the obligations of an indie label's PR and recording demands, but by also inventing and pretending to be the bands listed under their "label"--pulling in their roommate Penelope (and occasionally her off-beat friend who just goes by "Whistle") to help play in the various bands or swap being manager. Features token indie trends from Chillwave to Shoegaze to Witch House, etc, possibly one band/trend per episode.

give me a jingle.

gentle reader.
what is the haps?

ok.

gentle readers, you'll be ambivalent-at-least (gentle author hopes) to know i've oodles. and i mean, just scads, of time now to keep up with you. the uh, other side to this happy news is: that's because i've been laid off.

i wonder if this is going to be like woodstock - "you get laid off in the recession? do any kooky jobs? no? too bad, you missed out."

and i think, that now is the perfect time to get a kooky job. going back to school is not an iron that's not in the fire. (all double negatives point to: i might go for my masters?) and also make lists. but also some of these lists are about the kooky jobs i want to try my hand at. they range from editing and journalism work to apprenticing as a butcher, being a bookshop girl (mostly for the sweet, sweet employee discounts and also so i can spit in all the copies of harry potter & twilight...) to the most mundane of handy tasks.

see, i'm wondering what the results would be if i print up some posters for handy-type jobs, but with a writer's spin. see below:


"prefer your dog to be walked by an erudite, witty logophile? writer interested in trying hand. give me a jingle."


"want a housekeeper who can make pristine beds and leave book recommendations and mixtapes? neo-renaissance hipster girl w/housekeeping and mixtape-ing experience interested. give me a jingle."

if you can think of any fun job ideas - let me know. i am game, and game again dudes.

at the very least, now is the time to (re-)read betty macdonald's Anybody Can Do Anything.

just so you know...

"The Spring Peeper Frog makes a sound like jingling sleigh bells, and the Green Frog resembles the twang of a banjo string."

"srsly", dudes.

don't turn up your nose when i say:

this summer, i hardily encourage you to use "txt" & "meme"-driven lingo in your day-to-day dialogue. if you don't get the inherent fun in saying "L-O-L" and "O-M-G" out loud - you're not doing it right. dig a little - the fun is there. i promise.

you just have to find that certain inflectional sweet spot...

i mean, i "heart" grammar as much as the next copywriter. but this trend won't last forever (ideally)... so take advantage of this brief window of opportunity. shoo off your druthers and take a moment, tell someone that you heart them. whisper a little "oh em gee." squint your eyes and indulge in a sweet little "el oh el".

when you can comfortably drop the weighty sound of implied quotation marks, you'll find that a friendly "whatevs" policy becomes you.


srsly.


here. you can use this to practice:

there comes a time in every young woman's life. . .

...when she has to fill out an annual self-assessment form for work.

survey says: "yuck."

in a perfect world - a world where i could simply follow my heart - following my heart meaning, cutting out & pasting these aspirational wolf pictures to apply where appropriate:



in that perfect world, i would happily fill out my self-assessment.

in the real world, where it means half-contemplating words like "leadership" and "timeliness" and trying to turn them into applicable vocabulary words... my enthusiasm falls a little short.

maybe my HR & my performance manager just won't believe how well the wolf pictures work, til they see it with their own eyes.



(dear readers: i'm not gonna lie. i miss you, but i've been on twitter.)

they so pretty.

hey chicago art institute - you know how i know you're gay?

and finally...

Paco Underhill science-math facts about Paco Underhill.

also, i really really like his name.