professionalism can only withstand so many PAMA-tinis

my roommate is nudging me to go to this young professionals networking event.

here are the enticing reasons to attend, as listed in their email invite. their. "e-vite" if you will.

"Enticing" "Reasons":
. Complimentary PAMA-tinis (6 pm - 8 pm) and $3 Miller Lites (all night).
now, i don't know what a "PAMA-tini" is. and i don't know that i want to find out. and i can tell you right now, i want nothing to do with their miller lites.

. Complimentary hors d'oeuvres 6 pm - 8 pm
i guess after two hours of PAMA-tinis, they get a little insulting...har.


. Cool music played at a low volume to facilitate successful business and social networking from 6 pm - 8 pm
"cool music", you say. "low volume", you say... "facilitate", you say.

. Dancing courtesy of nationally renowned DJ Luis Morales beginning at 8 pm
this makes it sound like he will be the one doing the dancing...

. Mixing and mingling with hundreds of young, fun upscale professionals for business contacts as well as friendships

1. why doesn't 'fun' have a comma following it?

2. friendships & business contacts. does this mean they come by with rulers and make sure you're dancing at a 'business appropriate' distance from one another?


let us just say if i go to this thing, it isn't going to be with the intent to make friends... even "upscale" ones. tempting as that is.



so right now i'm taking suggestions for what my alleged profession should be. i am considering the following, but feel free to tell me if i've missed something grand...

potential professions:
1. undertaker
2. illustrator for romance novel covers
3. roller derby manager
4. dog breeder (complimented by a graphic use of vocabulary)
5. actual "climber-of-ladders".
6. taxidermist
7. white collar criminal
8. therapist (that's sure to get some needy attention)
9. art director (i could point to real objects and roll my eyes and say "that's totally photoshopped")
10. beekeeper
11. architect of dreams