Wednesday, March 05, 2008

snail fever.

they just won't stop doing it.

rabbits have elbowed in on the snail's deserved reputation, as far as i am concerned. those little squishy horn-dogs just can't get enough of each other. every time i look in the fish bowls they've got their squishy parts matched up in what i can only describe as an amorous embrace. for creatures that consist of a shell and a goey foot, they sure know how to get it on.

actually, here. i'll show you. imagine this underwater:

the result is: we have thousands of snails. thousands of baby speck-sized snails.

even the little puritanical snails in lawrence's tank have begun doin' it like it's going out of style. all those long talks about abstinence...

to rectify this in as fair a way as possible i cut two slices of cucumber. one would be the 'death cucumber' (marked with a little x) and one would be the 'life cucumber'. unfortunately the next morning i looked in the bowl and there was only one cucumber. for a second i thought they'd caught on but then rhianna came out of her room and said "yeah i took one out - i thought it was too much cucumber."

sigh. so i've just let them grow. i've tried giving them away to everyone, everywhere, but to no avail. seriously, i am that girl at the gym who says: "hey nice bench press! want a snail?" or "you must work out a lot. you look like you need a bunch of snails." short of marketing what's bound to be an unpopular energy drink, i've tried everything . well, everything but flushing them. for some reason that seems just too cruel. and also i will have nightmares of monster sewer snails.

in the meantime, there's one redeeming feature. the fun thing about baby snails is, they have the remarkable ability to cling to the surface of water (like crawling across the bottom of a glass table). and it's a popular activity. so my new fun game is poking one with a finger while saying "boop!" and making a long whistle as it falls to the bottom. then another. then another. keep in mind this is only really entertaining in the early morning.

in a sad turn of events, despite all this life bursting forth in other tanks/bowls, nixon's snail (gordon snail liddy) has passed away. what the crap. i loved that snail.


Blogger mr. john fury said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

12:23 PM  
Blogger mr. john fury said...

that picture frightens me.

i can't stop imagining huge mutant snails on the skyline. having copious amounts of gastropode intercourse.

oh god, the squishing ...

12:24 PM  
Anonymous RamuneLove said...

... I'd take one... >_>

3:30 PM  

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