Monday, August 25, 2008

the evil eye.

well folks, something is amiss with my eye. my eyelid, specifically. it is sore and a little pink/puffy. i have spent all morning/afternoon looking up pictures of pink eye.

1. it's safe to say it isn't pink eye.

2. i really wouldn't recommend searching for pink eye pictures online. just trust me.

i have enlisted the help of and ... has anyone out there ever successfully used these sites? baffling. according to the results from my symptom tracker, it is either eyelid cancer or something i can't pronounce, but enjoy pronouncing as if it were either french or in a perfume commercial. chalazion.

it's got to be something.

i say that, meaning i know it can't be nothing.... eyelids don't just poof up and get sore, do they? it's not even that bothersome. just befuddling. also it does not help that the medical industry (or webmd) has very generic terms for symptoms. very gray-area.

for instance:
'visual deformity'

well, it is kinda pink. does that count? or do i have to look like my man beats me for it to rate as a deformity? and then, how epic a deformity are we talking? stephen hawking? elephant man? tina turner?

it could also be ocullar herpes. but considering i have not been rubbing my eyeball in someone's infected crotch this seems pretty far-fetched.

maybe i am also bad at picking out symptoms. striking from the list now:
'visual deformity' (i'm willing to admit it isn't one.)
'watery eyes' (they were kinda moist yesterday, but then i'm willing to admit i was watching a very emotional season of six feet under with shalini at the time)
'frequent squinting' (i'm willing to admit that's more of a characteristic expression/trait)
'lump or buldge' (slight exaggeration)
'need brighter light to read' (it's kind of dark in the office, since it's rainy outside.)
'jerking eye movements' (i guess i just felt at the time like that happened a lot. further speculation reveals this also has nothing to do with my eyelid.)

doing that, a lot of the scarier afflictions have left the list.

however, among the diseases/etc added to the list are: hay fever, foreign object in eye, broken or damaged eyesocket and some diabetic eyeball thing...

oh well. i guess the world will never know.

eye symptoms i'm glad i don't have:
1. intensely gritty eyes
2. eyelashes falling out
3. blank stare
4. cloudy vision (sounds very melancholy)
5. loss of outside 1/3rd of eyebrow (unintentional)

eye symptoms i kinda wish i had:
1. seeing music notes and words as colors
2. flickering uncoloured zig-zag line in vision


Blogger mr. john fury said...

Dr. Internet is a bad physician. one time i thought (according to the symptoms) that i had an inguineal hernia (don't look it up) but it turned out it was just gas.

ALSO! one time i thought i had a mouth herpe but it turned out my lips were just dry.

12:20 PM  
Blogger kaylen said...

hee hee. mouth herpe. singular.

1:44 PM  

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