Thursday, March 15, 2007

tips on how to get involved in your community (the compiled list)

#1- call more people ho's.

#2- if you are a young, stapping lad: do some volunteer landscaping. even if it is in your own yard!
as long as you are shirtless.

#3- encourage your young, strapping, twin brother to do likewise.

#4- protect local, domestic animals & wildlife from transhumanists.
squinty the bee says: only you can prevent whale cyborgs!

#5 - as much as i love people (people = hot, young, strapping lads with no shirt on) doing landscaping... community gardens are so lame that they really defeat the purpose. so, my advice to you is first of all, do not participate in community gardening. second, steal all the tomatoes. they are delicious and you will enjoy them, i just know.

#6 - if there is a person in your neighbourhood with a tail, encourage them to get an operation and become "normal". first of all, it is quite gross. and chances are, they are not nearly as helpful as you'd think. how many of them bark when there is a fire? or when a beloved falls in a well/mine/community garden hole someone forgot to fill? a tail does not a lassie make!

#7 - bark when there is a fire. or throw tomatoes that you stole from a community garden.

#8 - accuse people of being "chicken". maybe it hurts because it's true. (note: the more you get into the role of a grammar-school bully, the better.)

#9 - i'm not saying you have to go to any of these; but do keep up with when your local ballets, plays & theatrical productions are going on. you can let people know that you pay attention, in the following way:

other: hello
you: hello
other: you should come over friday night because i am having a party
you: oh no! friday is the night of the ballet!
other: oh, that's too bad.
you: (lowering your head) i don't have tickets to that.

you see, by admitting that you don't have tickets you have still accomplished your goal (letting people know you are 'with it' and have a buttload of culture) and yet, to the party you may go! rhianna and i think this process is hilarious. some people, however, don't get it...

#10 - tell people they are judged by how ugly they are.
if they do not know this already, they are probably pretty ugly and should get on top of that. sooner than later.

#11- remind old people, we could care less

#12- remind homeless people they can't afford cookies.


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