Sunday, March 04, 2007

on toothbrushes:

glory of glories! people i tell you that today i replaced my toothbrush.

i could suffer through this intolerable brusher-of-teeth (so it calls itself) not a day more. okay... i can't be too hard on the poor, old thing, for no other reason than... i sort of stole it. but let me advise you all: if you're going to steal a toothbrush from your parents' house, make sure your parents do not have sissy gums.

seriously. i called them up and demanded to know what sort of angelic, chiffon-delicate tissue their gums were made out of. and bless them for sparing me this trait in their genetic comingling.

oh, sigh. what have i been doing the last month with a toothbrush sporting such soft bristles? i dunno about you dudes, but i need at least a medium-weight bristle to rock out and/or destroy plaque bugs. i like brushing my teeth more than most things in the galaxy (few things top a sensational ear cleaning) but nothing kills the mood like soft, soft bristles. piff. like all things (including yoga*) i need to feel the burn of their respective influence, or i am left with the sensation of being ripped off.

the ideal brush is something that would shred my delicate, mouthy bits, if not used wisely. kinda like what toast does anyway, to the roof of my mouth, only with gums**. firm bristles are mandatory and, sure, those little waggles of rubber that i resisted so long–they actually feel nice against my gums!–are welcome on any tooth brusher of mine. you won't, however, see me backing any brushes that subscribe to special, added, tongue-brush business.

toothbrush conclusions:
a) you are one big raging lady if you need soft bristles. you are also no friend of mine.

b) if you can't flip over the brush to scrub your tongue, you are gay. it's not like you can brush both at once anyhow.

* i went back to yoga this week. it feels like someone replaced my hamstrings with barbed wire and muy pequeno , ferocious squirrels.

** i got a hotdog at the school's cafeteria the other day, and i was asked, "do you want the bun toasted?"... dear lord, no, i do not want the bun toasted. who would?


Blogger apk01004 said...

I like the bun toasted. That way it does not get soggy when you put wet condiments on it. Seems pretty basic to me.

9:13 PM  
Blogger echolalias said...

i suppose, but i only enjoy a thin stream of ketchup down the center of the dog itself. not much to sog the bun.

9:25 PM  

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