if i were a whale, you just know i would too.

as you're probably mostly aware, there have been several accounts of undersea internet cables being cut. five of them from egypt to malaysia.




there are the usual suspicious sources and none of them are pretty:

. krakens awake in a united desire for mango juice or egyptian "lemoon"
. the united states government is up to no good
. the israeli government is up to no good
. underwater lumberjacks' judgment is impaired by pollution
. the internet cables killed themselves while struggling to disentangle from plastic bags
. whales are very spiritual animals. obviously they hate facebook
. divers who didn't study, mistake the signal for "out of air" (<--seriously, go see! that dude is trying to be david hasselhoff so hard.)
. what has two thumbs and also might have cut the internet cables?


this guy.



(*img borrowed from apparently ships can drag anchors from egypt to malaysia)