Wednesday, December 12, 2007

lame animals = pollution.

in an office presentation on living greener, great care was taken to impress on us the dangers to the environment that are... (drumroll)... plastic shopping bags.

most of you understand that i'm a firm believer landfills will save us all. when landfills get gigantic they squish them down, cover them with turf and build condos on top of them. these rising landscapes are a pretty awesome defense against those rising sea levels, people.

of course if you present any rational argument that plastic bags are just fine, people will a)think you're in league with satan and b)refer you to lame internet links.

some misleading "facts" as presented by an organic grocery store's website:

"Plastic bags create pollution and kill wildlife in the USA every day of the year." (this seems to be written by a five year old for a school report. how much more vague can you be than "create polution" and "kill wildlife every day of the year"? what wildlife and how many, morons.)

"Over 100,000 birds, whales, seals and turtles worldwide are killed by plastic rubbish every year." (note how it says "plastic rubbish" not "plastic bags". ooooh, tricky.)

when i said i wanted actual facts i was also directed to a 'map' showing the are of the ocean fallen to plastic pollution, which was actually a picture of a map with a big drawn circle saying "PLASTIC RUBBISH!" which is not "science" or "fact", and clearly took someone all of 2 minutes in MS Paint.

websites show only only a stuffed pelican that was allegedly choked by a plastc bag:

and two animals that had cuts because they had been tangled in plastic bags. note: they were still very much alive. some even seem to enjoy it.

aw, he likes it.

further, the perks of being an animal include: sharp nails, teeth, heightened sense of direction, and super-flexible spines in a lot of cases. if you can't find your way out of a plastic bag with that kind of natural equipment, that is obviously a sign you aren't living up to standards. survival of the fittest, dudes. i sure don't want those lame animals cluttering up my world. that's pollution of its own sort.


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