Monday, October 15, 2007

this land is our land.

coincidentally, today is 'national grouchy day' as well as 'blog action day'. in order to celebrate both, i am attempting to take the ultra-earth-huggy list on hippie-o-rama and, well, do what i do.

right off the bat: unless you're doing something big like curing cancer or making a time machine, it doesn't matter how many little things you do. "smile and smile back"? whose idea of "better" is that? not mine. and people are still dying of AIDS, so there. once you embrace that, continue with the rest of the list.

making the world a better place for you and me:
1. read children Harry Potter. then teach them the word "bullshit".

2. leave the shower running all day. you'll develop some kind of empathy for people living in brazil. also, the world needs cleaner pores.

3. kill poachers. save sharks.

4. ask for things triple-bagged at the grocery store. those landfills they cover with grass and build condos on? they are the only defense we have against rising water.

5. settle mars.

6. learn a little about music and throw stones at bad musicians. like the arcade fire.

7. get a hummer. drive into the sea and kill dolphins.

8. flush the toilet before you sit down, one during, and once after. cleanlines is next to godliness.

9. order big, heavy things from the furthest reaches of the world. the sooner we run out of gas, the sooner people will get cracking on better alternative energy sources. like volcanoes or bees. no one takes windmills seriously. who would? maybe heidi and her beloved grandfather, but that's it.

10. go whaling.

11. do the pandas a favour. they don't want to breed. go ahead and feed them to a more awesome species like tigers who wanna do it like crazy.

12. one word: dinosaurs.

13. destroy native culture. the last thing the world needs is ugly indian art.

14. invite a time machine already, dudes.


Blogger Idoru said...

how come i can't write anymore and you just get funnier? are you stealing my funny?

4:21 PM  

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