sensitivity training

after so many episodes of the office, i completely expected training day to involve out-of-date work ethic videos. instead, it was a whole lot of people from critical mass talking over a powerpoint presentation. the single, bright-burning beacon of this experience was sexual harrassment and sensitivity training. and sure enough, it didn't disappoint.

sexual harassment role playing:

first off, i looked at the 4 parts girl, 1 parts guy audience and suggested the leader go find some young, supple IT guys for us to sexually harrass. for learnin'. following this, i asked if i should roll dice and claimed to be an uncomfortable compliment elf with a +2 in ogling.

scenario: myself and another female co-worker are engaged in hyper-slut gossip, ("i got it on with jim in his corolla--he looks great in his tight jeans with no underwear"--verbatim)

other girl- reading from lines: "have you seen mr. february on the beefcake calendar?"
me improving: "girl, i got that one laminated on my desk."

at this point, co-worker dave stands up and gives a weepy line about how we make the office an uncomfortable place to work.

me improving again: "here dave i laminated one for you too."


at the end, the HR leader asked what the moral of this scenario was. i offered up, "if you're going to bring porn to the office, you better have enough to share. also, we support dave's lifestyle."

racism:
all of these scenarios take place on a green. we are read a situation and have to figure out who was right, who was wrong, what should be done...

scenario: at a golf course, they rotate caddies. a golfer gets an african american caddie and is upset because, of course, he is racist and his caddie is black. when the caddie explains he is very good at what he does, the golfer shouts that he wants a white caddie.

HR:"what should the caddie do, and what should his manager do?"
me: "well... is the caddie packing heat?"
HR:"what?"
me: "you said he was black.sometimes they do that."
HR: "no he's not packing heat."
me: "is the manager black?"
HR: "no. but that doesn't matter"
me: "well maybe he just hired the caddie to stir shit up. it's marketing, any publicity is good publicity."

back up on our floor-
co-worker: "it's a good thing you're on the one floor where you're considered weird if you don't offend people."

me: "right. i've been meaning to tell you...you have a nice body. you don't even need to wear that control top pantyhose..."