Sunday, July 15, 2007

good fences make good...well, everythings.

when you know you've overstepped the lines of your landlord/tenant relationship:
your landlord first takes you out on a date with his current (and hideous) girlfriend. your landlord then comes over and asks you a) what you thought of her and b) how you'd recommend breaking up with her. your landlord then asks if it's okay to write down questions and call you later if he needs help.

when you know you've been violated at work:
CEO brings in little dog named jerry. jerry brings his gigantic blue pillow over to your desk and begins humping it enthusiastically while staring at you. you turn your back... jerry starts whining. still humping. you have no choice but to bury yourself in work like never before, in order to avoid pervy, dog eye-contact.

when you know you've been harassed at a Macs:
chinese woman behind counter tells you it's already 10 days into the month and it's no use buying a public transit pass. you still want one. offer credit card. chinese woman looks at your credit card, looks at you, asks for ID. even after much attention is given to your passport, credit card, and face, she still digs in her heels and tells you how dissimilar your signature is.

when you know you've picked the wrong girlfriend:
you ask everyone you know how to break up with her decently. frankly, she has little more personality than jerry's pillow and isn't nearly as comfortable to hump.


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