Friday, August 25, 2006

let us, you & i, talk about this pluto business

pluto makes a lovely planet & that is that. i am not saying, oh boy, let's just make every lame-o ball of space-dirt & asteroid a planet. that is just a bit too much for me. who wants to memorize the anagrams that would come of that mess? not me.

what would the planets be without pluto? they just get bloated & generally gigantic the further from the sun they get. pluto may not be the prettiest thing to look at but it makes a lovely end-planet. like a period at the end of a sentence. like a final tinkle of piano at the end of a song.

pluto is just great, but apparently that isn't obvious to everyone. so, i present to you a llist of

things we can do to make pluto a better candidate for a planet:

1) give it some rings or spooky-coloured space gas, so it's not such a stark contrast.

2) paint it to resemble something everyone loves:

- piccachu
- anthony hopkins
- sean connery (not my first choice, but you gotta give the people what they want)
- coca-cola
- santa
- soccer ball (maybe it won't do much for canada & united states, but they'll hopefully catch on to how awesome soccer is)

3) improve its content by way of something cool like poisonous dinosaurs. cheaper than establishing modern lifeforms. let's be practical: dinosaurs are old technology. they are the Sega to the X-box which is ourselves. sure, it's cold & the dinosaurs probably won't live very long, but a poisonous dinosaur graveyard still = awesome!

4) transform pluto into a giant Magic 8 Ball.

5) ask the other planets what they want. i bet they love having pluto as a fellow planet. pluto is, in essence, non-threatening, little (like a kitten or fish!) & makes planets like saturn look really glitzy.

6) just love it for what it is. as a planet, i mean.


Blogger Jonathan Ball said...

a haiku horoscope for you:

The technology
For poisonous dinosaurs
Nears its completion

10:32 AM  
Blogger echolalias said...

what a delightful presant!
thank you, sir.

5:16 PM  

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