Wednesday, August 23, 2006

what could be sexier than appearing to be potentially asthmatic?

answer = nothing!

i went on a delightful (trepidatious) trip to the doctor/walk-in today. i dragged my heels on getting this bronchitis crap checked out for a good month and man. i am tired of coughing, let me tell you.

a tip to all you ladies... one thing i have learned from the last couple years is, if i say i am still on depo they:
1) do not check to verify.
2) do not ask about periods and therefore do not lecture me about my reluctance to note/record menstruation crap.

if you are not already aware of this, let me inform you how lame obsessive feminine hygiene is. totally for squares. you give your uterus that much attention you're just encouraging it. and mine is three dashes short of being ripped out by the tentacles. or whatever those bits are. so, if you're asking yourself,"how much is too much?" i go by the general rule of anything that requires a calendar, is too much.

all in all, the visit was okay. they were all quite amused/disturbed at my competitive spirit when it came to the breath speed tester bit. (if you are not familiar, it is a little white instrument with a mouth piece. you breathe in, breathe out as hard as you can into it, and it records the mph or something). anyhow. when i say 'competitive spirit' i mean i didn't just frown and try again many more times than necessary (which i did, yes), i tried to make an actual competition of it.

doctor: okay you got...370. better!
me: your turn!
me: see if you can beat 370!
doctor: well i don't have bronchitis.
me: prove it. (i hold out tester)
doctor: um....that's not really sanitary...
me: jesus likes us to share. oh, and get that nurse in here. i bet my lungs are twice as speedy as hers.

my competition, such as it was, was shut down immediately. oh well. i am such a sexy geek now.. oh boy! i didn't even want to sign that waiver at the pharmacists. you know, that thing that ensures my information is kept secret. i told the woman i want everyone to know what i've got.

an inhaler.

i will wheeze myself a boyfriend yet.


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