100 years of tar-induced cancer

tar pond cleanup. how would i clean up the tar ponds? well, let's go with the popular cure-alls of our time.

. chiropractors
. lipitor
. fewer carbs
. hybrid technology
. some U2 charity that al gore can then make a movie about
. hold the feet and say "i love you" (okay, elvis's autism techniques aren't exactly contemporary, but let's just roll with it.)
. oil of olay tar pond rejuvenation/revival/something with 'r' daily facials and cream


my suggestion, however?
. truck full of otters, dolphins, belugas and magestic orcas to absorb the tar. then we burn them for delicious fuel.

failing all these methods, i propose a campaign for real tar pond beauty.