Wednesday, November 08, 2006

guess who locked herself out of her apartment again?

oh, it was me.

yes, i did it again: i locked myself out of the apartment. i left without my keys (and apparently my wallet too). i realized my mistake sometime around 11:30 this afternoon and opted to crash at the coffee shop for awhile. it was a little awkward, because i was also carrying 3 gigantic panes of black foamcore for mounting tomorrow's advertising project for presentation. nothing makes hallways or coffeeshops awkward like foamcore.

so, the man with the ladder (who i have bothered previously, sheepishly...) was either not in or he was ignoring me. who could blame him for the latter? i waited around until about 4:15.i then: stacked the unclaimed phonebooks from the entryway ontop of the garden stone wall (right under my balcony); stood on them; hopped enough to grab onto one of the posts; and attempted to swing myself far enough over that my foot could get leverage on the porch. well, that didn't happen. i grabbed, i swung, i failed, i swung, i made "trying so hard!" faces, i failed, i failed... i failed so hard, dudes. i panted and fell back into the snow and trudged back inside with the slghtly dampened phone books.

around 5pm, some pizza delivery guy let me into the building... and then tried to jimmy my door open for me, with a cards, which was a little disturbing. none of it worked and i just picked up half-decent wireless on my laptop and camped in the hall until paul got home (around 6 something).

things to do when you're stuck waiting in the hall of your apartment building:
1. put your palms on one wall, and feet on the other- remember how awesome it was to climb walls/doorways.

2. assuming you're like me and you have nail clippers in your everyday bags, go ahead and trim your nails without the debate of a) living with the nearly invisible bits of nails b)having to break out your roommates vacuum (which smells like burning hair) and clean them up. whee!

3. listen to other people's doors. the guy in apt #4 was singing "my-yyyyy looove my darling, i hunger for your touch" etc. he was horrible, by the way. some lady was shouting at her dog.

4. go around and count the number of unlabeled, mystery doors in your apartment building. i only found three- but one was very tiny and square and this almost makes it worth more. feel free to attribute points to various sizes and add them all up as is your (or my) wont.

5. sit very still and try and figure out the furthest away/most subtle thing you can hear.

6. look up "how to pick locks" on

two conversations involving unhelpful help:

me: i am attempting to look up websites that'd tell me how to pick my door lock
alex: Is it a normal lock? Cause you can make lockpicks out of a Coke can if you have to.
me: i guess so... but i don't have a coke can
alex: Well what do you have?
me: i have a set of nailclippers though with file. and a bunch of randoom things in my bags..
alex: Do you have a long very thin thing and a long bent stiff thing?
me: ummm...i don't know about the long thin thingy, no
me: what do you do with them?
alex: The bent one is a tension wrench.
me: your mom is a tension wrench :`)
me: sorry, go ahead
alex: You stick it in the bottom of the lock, and force it sideways, to force the barrel of the lock away from the frame.
alex: Then you use the pick to raise the pins one by one, which catch on the gap that you have created between the barrel and the rest, and remain in the "open" position.
me: could write directions for a living.
me: it is a gift.

rhianna: if i was there i could do it with a fork. there is no lock i cannot pick with cutlery. ask kathleen
me: really? funny you mention that. i totally have a fork. and a pearing knife, too
rhianna: i can't tell you how though, it's just intuitive.
me: do you stick it in the keyhole or use it in the crack of the dor?
rhianna: crack of door. it might be hard if it's a deadbolt though, instead of just a spring lock. you can't get enough torque.
rhianna: can i tell you the image of you trying to look at your computer and type and pick a lock is hilarious? cause it is.


Anonymous s r e said...

see... this is why I love you Kaylen.
And yeah..that image is pretty damn funny. I had a good laugh.
More so than the image of you trying to swing onto the balcony like a gorilla. :)

12:59 PM  

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