defeating alarm clocks that don't exist yet (yet)

clocky(estimated $50.oo US)
"Clocky® (patent pending) is an alarm clock that runs away and hides if you don't get out of bed on time. The alarm sounds, you press the snooze, and Clocky will roll off of the bedside table, jump to the floor, and wheel away, bumping mindlessly into objects until he finds a spot to rest. When the alarm sounds again, you must awaken to search for him. Clocky will find new spots everyday, kind of like a hide-and-seek game.

Clocky alarm clocks were designed to reinterpret the common alarm clock into something that is not stressful and obnoxious but amusing and a better fit between humans and technology"

pros:
1) i like fun.
2) it is furry and kind of like a pet.
3) it learns and i love learning.
4) great way to get guys in your bedroom. "come in and see my alarm clock........ baby."


cons:
1) i don't know if i like fun in the morning. survey says: no, kaylen, you probably don't.
2) it is furry and kind of like a pet– that i will have no opportunity to show off to other people. and that is the ultimate, prime function of pets.
3) actually, the word "mindless" is in there. how much tolerance would i have for anything that mindlessly bumbles around my bedroom? and how much would it suck if it went around my clean floors and wound up back at the bed? .... and more importantly: how much noise does all this mindless bumbling make?


puzzle alarm clock($52)
"spits out puzzle pieces into the air, which must be reassembled to stop the sound." (globe & mail)


pros:
1) hold on... i'm still thinking...

cons:
1) could it get any more retarded. survey says? no.
2) this is also brought to you by the same people who made "sudoku toilet paper rolls"... doubt & disapproval runs wild in the mind.


okay. pros:
1) after much deliberation, i can think of only one. it also tells the time.

SmartClock ($250.oo)
a clock that comes with a number of melodies so you can set it to wake you up in whatever mood you choose.

all i can say about it is:
i wonder if they have "humorous intolerance" or "lovely & skeptical". i bet it has like three settings- super bouncy ; empowered ; and peacefully awake. those seem to be popular choices for anything from music to breakfast cereal.

SleepSmart(not yet released)
"...it monitors your brainwaves to find the optimum time to wake you up. it has a headband that senses when you begin to rouse out of deep sleep. if it's in 30mins of your desired wake-up time, the alarm sounds."

pros:
1) alright, i admit that's a feasibly more rational way of waking someone up– finding a spot where it'd be easiest for them to wake up and pouncing. like a lion unto antelope.

cons:
1) either way the metaphorical antelope is devoured by the lion.
2) the metaphorical antelope can be devoured up to half an hour before the time it absolutely has to be devoured. that is not cool.
3) wearing a headband all night would keep me up. i am a light sleeper.
4) my metaphorical anteleope just does not want to die. there is no escaping that.


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the zen clock...

if that were on my bedside table- you know it would wind up full of pennies.