Thursday, September 07, 2006

maybe definite possible stories about The Guy Who Skates Good

have you met The Guy Who Skates Good? if you haven't, dear reader, let me introduce you.

The Guy Who Skates Good is a guy at lloyd's rollerskating rink who is there, skating his heart out, every wednesday night while we are practicing for the roller derby (or just attempting to skate period...). he is the string-thin, rollerskating equivalent of napoleon dynamite: he dances; he skates; he pumps his clenched fists; adjusts his glasses and skates backwards. He is there when we come in and he is still skating when we leave.

lovely & supposed stories to explain The Guy Who Skates Good:

a) once upon a time there was a boy. he was morbidly obese & the butt of all jokes. his only escape was skating and he skated and skated and skated until he skated himself thin. when all of the kids and young, supple women saw this thin and semi-dapper fellow, they wanted him to join them in their reindeer games: well all he wanted to do was skate. and skate.

b) he is actually dead and haunts lloyd's rollerskating rink every single night. or at least every wednesday. he hasn't bitten anyone, so maybe he is just one of those dead people who are locked into repetitive tasks.

c) he has always wanted to be a dancer but he can only dance when he wears his magic rollerskates. at lloyds. every wednesday night.

d) he is an angel sent to help someone in the rollerskating rink: they haven't yet turned up and he is showing off his heavenly skating abilities in the meantime. or they have shown up and he is easily distracted by skating with his heavenly abilities.

e) there is a musical side to this, and we are all missing it.

f) have you seen donnie darko? well it may be something like that. suppose that every wednesday night a worm hole opens up in some alternate universe: a universe where everyone dances around on rollerskates. this wormhole picks this random guy up and drops him off in lloyd's rollerskating rink.

here is the catch. every wednesday it opens up on our side, but it opens up at a specific time in that universe. for us, he appears every wednesday. for him, he is only whisked away (for one magical night only) for a fanciful spree in a universe where everyone skates lamer than him.


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