Maximum Impact Fund With Special Gifts!

sounds pretty awesome, yes? like the best kind of greasy, chinese dinner special? well, it's not. not only is it not a take-out option, these gifts are also not for you. they are for those people with flies "all up in their grill". i hope you're not too upset. if it helps, the "maximum impact fund with special gifts" only include a bracelet and a little, pink anime-styled pig.
so, i found this fun-filled catologue at rhianna's house, thanksgiving night. we were having a splendid time putting together the best presents ever.

for example:

. 3 pigs. and a wolf!
. backpacks (from their send a child to school plan). filled with beehives.
. 3 backpacks, and if the child picks the one that isn't full of bees– he gets to go to school!
. a goat and a duck (insist they are married and not to be separated, ever)
. eye surgery.... and bees.
. drums. i bet nothing pisses them off more than getting a bunch of drums. don't people realize that drums come from africa? that's like the one thing they can do for themselves. maybe if the drums were full-up with bees.

go ahead...finish this sentence!
"You'll save an African farmer the backbreaking labor of hoeing huge..."


oh man...anyhow.

here are some of my favourite quotes:

. A Trio of Dairy Animals - ($680)
Give a goat, a cow, and a sheep — the "big three"! ( i will forever refer to livestock as "the big #!" )

. The early-morning bleating of a dairy goat is a happy sound for children in countries like Haiti and Kenya. They know it’s ready to be milked!

. The next best thing to seeing a child milk, shear, or care for one of these animals is to share the joy of this gift with someone close to your heart. (you're right. there's nothing better than seeing child labor in action.)

. When our drilling teams strike water, entire villages erupt in celebration.

. Send a parade of animals to families in need and we'll send a parade of 12 cards — one each month — for your friend or loved one. (the funny thing is, neither one is actually a parade. even a little.)

(more animals) aphorisms:

. Sheep are known to "go astray," but they are always worth finding!

. A pig is fat with promise and opportunity

. The strength and stamina of a donkey can lighten the burden of poor

this christmas, i encourage you all: give the gift of suspense! (and by "suspense" i mean "bees").