Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Maximum Impact Fund With Special Gifts!

sounds pretty awesome, yes? like the best kind of greasy, chinese dinner special? well, it's not. not only is it not a take-out option, these gifts are also not for you. they are for those people with flies "all up in their grill". i hope you're not too upset. if it helps, the "maximum impact fund with special gifts" only include a bracelet and a little, pink anime-styled pig.
so, i found this fun-filled catologue at rhianna's house, thanksgiving night. we were having a splendid time putting together the best presents ever.

for example:

. 3 pigs. and a wolf!
. backpacks (from their send a child to school plan). filled with beehives.
. 3 backpacks, and if the child picks the one that isn't full of bees– he gets to go to school!
. a goat and a duck (insist they are married and not to be separated, ever)
. eye surgery.... and bees.
. drums. i bet nothing pisses them off more than getting a bunch of drums. don't people realize that drums come from africa? that's like the one thing they can do for themselves. maybe if the drums were full-up with bees.

go ahead...finish this sentence!
"You'll save an African farmer the backbreaking labor of hoeing huge..."

oh man...anyhow.

here are some of my favourite quotes:

. A Trio of Dairy Animals - ($680)
Give a goat, a cow, and a sheep — the "big three"! ( i will forever refer to livestock as "the big #!" )

. The early-morning bleating of a dairy goat is a happy sound for children in countries like Haiti and Kenya. They know it’s ready to be milked!

. The next best thing to seeing a child milk, shear, or care for one of these animals is to share the joy of this gift with someone close to your heart. (you're right. there's nothing better than seeing child labor in action.)

. When our drilling teams strike water, entire villages erupt in celebration.

. Send a parade of animals to families in need and we'll send a parade of 12 cards — one each month — for your friend or loved one. (the funny thing is, neither one is actually a parade. even a little.)

(more animals) aphorisms:

. Sheep are known to "go astray," but they are always worth finding!

. A pig is fat with promise and opportunity

. The strength and stamina of a donkey can lighten the burden of poor

this christmas, i encourage you all: give the gift of suspense! (and by "suspense" i mean "bees").


Blogger FEMBOTanist said...

Whoever you are, do not start sending me comments accusing my “minions” of hate mail. Believe me, my friends have more interesting things to do than leave comments on your blog. Are you telling me you have never received an offensive or at least slightly inexplicable anonymous comment before? Don’t go blaming me every time someone’s comment offends you like that – unless of course it makes you feel better. Personally, I’ve never visited your blog prior to this comment, and don’t really plan to again.

In case you hadn't realised, we are a peace (and plant) loving kind of people who just happen to not really appreciate bad blog etiquette… we really couldn’t care about anything else that either of you post about aside from that.

If I were you, I would treat this whole situation as a learning experience and just calm the fuck down. Don’t try and start a war of words with us – we have access to large range of carnivorous plants, and have Candadian contacts that know how to use them.

Also, FYI, a glasshouse is a glass storage facility that botanists use to put plants in. I thought everyone knew that?

5:03 PM  

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