Thursday, June 15, 2006

license to kill the 'license to grill' host

this man is vexes me. rob rainford.

there was nothing on today, so i happened to land on food network. a couple people say they prefer it. i do not understand this at all. the food network has the most abominable tv personalities in the universe. all their hosts can fit into one of three categories.

1) over-eager

2) ignorant

3) slutty

occasionally these overlap. for instance, while emeril's entire personality is 'over-eager', some are very over-eager sluts. some are ignorant, over-eager sluts and some are just ignorant. okay, there could possibly be a third category. certain personalities are housewife to the extreme. i clump these personalities under #2.

anyway. rob rainford is a whopping combination of all categories 1-3.

1) he is very exciteable and says "OH! HOO BAY-BEE!" every time he opens the grill. as though it's really that much of a surprise what is under there.

2) he is ignorant. not in the housewife way, but in the grownup male counterpart of the housewife: the ADD child in an adult male body. only instead of "yay!trampoline!" his brain is saying "yay!jala-PENO peppers!" and then he cannnot resist saying it out loud.

3) he slips in little bits about how 'hot' he likes things. that is not only slutty, it is a terrible cliche.

at the end of the show he sits down and digs into his food among friends who make 'mm!' sounds and stare into their plates, trying to ignore the swarms of cameras. my number one complaint about this man? the way he eats. it's awful to watch. he not only wolfs it down in gargantuan bites, he completely overestimates the lateral movement capabilites of the jaw/mouth.


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